Today is a day that will carry joys, sorrows, tears, laughter, good and bad. For each of us, it will be a different day with different experiences.
I took my mom and her husband to the airport bright and early this morning. They are headed to BC because today is the day my step-sister and her family will bury their baby girl. Little Naomi was born prematurely at 2 lbs, 11 oz, with more problems than a baby can survive, she had Trisomy 18 (causing a hole in her spine and an under-developed heart), Spinal Bifida and Club Foot. We have known she wouldn't live since the first ultrasound but it doesn't change that it hurts. That this precious little gift could only be enjoyed for a few days before she left our lives. Today is a day of great sorrow for my family, but it will be interspersed with happy moments.
That's the way of it. We grieve while we laugh sometimes. We love while we are angry. We are a people of mixed and conflicted emotions and actions.
Today, I will grieve with my family from afar. I will do all I can for them from this distance, I will love, I will remember, I will cry. But most of all, I will pray for them and share their burden in whatever way is possible. I wish I could do more.
I cannot imagine what my step-sister is going through today. To be perfectly honest, I don't even want to try because I know that kind of pain would be overwhelming and devastating. I weep for her, and today I will weep with them, even though I am at a distance.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Saturday, January 9, 2010
I am not alone.
Tonight, as I was resettling my youngest after he fell out of bed, he was lying in bed crying as I sat on the floor beside him. I tried holding and even rocking him, but he was not calming down so I put him in bed and sat beside him. As I sat there I realized, he doesn't realize I'm still here. He can't see me, he can't hear me, yet, here I am.
That is just like how I am with God sometimes. I sit and cry, and wonder why He's not beside me, when He is. It's just dark in my world and He's being comforting with His presence, even when I'm unaware that He's there. He's not gone, He hasn't left me alone, He is waiting for me to calm down so He can offer comfort and bring peace. My not recognizing His presence doesn't erase it.
I cling to His promise that He will never leave me nor forsake me. In my dark hours, when I feel alone, I remember that and I know that no matter how I feel, He is with me.
That is just like how I am with God sometimes. I sit and cry, and wonder why He's not beside me, when He is. It's just dark in my world and He's being comforting with His presence, even when I'm unaware that He's there. He's not gone, He hasn't left me alone, He is waiting for me to calm down so He can offer comfort and bring peace. My not recognizing His presence doesn't erase it.
I cling to His promise that He will never leave me nor forsake me. In my dark hours, when I feel alone, I remember that and I know that no matter how I feel, He is with me.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Happy New Year
A new year, a new start. Some of the starts are newer than we want them to be, some of the endings are more painful.
Christmas was a painful one this year. I've had worse, but I've definitely had better. A time of renewal, of refreshing, of change. Many questions have arisen, where do I go from here? How do I continue moving forward? What will I need to take care of myself in the long term?
There are a lot of decisions to be made, a lot of things to settle in my life this New Year. Hopefully it will be a good year, a year of renewal and recharging the
batteries and refreshing relationships.
I question my own strength, yet I know that my strength is what I allow it to be. I have the strength to do all that is before me, to be all that I need to be. Some days I don't want it, I don't want to need that much strength. Regardless, I need it and I have it. This is a good opportunity to stretch my wings, expand my horizons and exercise my strength. Just because it is a place I'd rather not be in does not change that I have what it takes or that it is the best place for me to be.
Christmas was a painful one this year. I've had worse, but I've definitely had better. A time of renewal, of refreshing, of change. Many questions have arisen, where do I go from here? How do I continue moving forward? What will I need to take care of myself in the long term?
There are a lot of decisions to be made, a lot of things to settle in my life this New Year. Hopefully it will be a good year, a year of renewal and recharging the
batteries and refreshing relationships.
I question my own strength, yet I know that my strength is what I allow it to be. I have the strength to do all that is before me, to be all that I need to be. Some days I don't want it, I don't want to need that much strength. Regardless, I need it and I have it. This is a good opportunity to stretch my wings, expand my horizons and exercise my strength. Just because it is a place I'd rather not be in does not change that I have what it takes or that it is the best place for me to be.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
$10 Challenge
It's an interesting thing to give to someone in need or undeserving. My friend, Louise has chosen to partake in the $10 Challenge and has challenged the rest of us to also. Bill Coffey started the challenge and you can follow the link to his site to read it fully.
At this time of year, there are many who give selflessly, thinking of others and not of themselves, others who give thinking only of themselves and still others who give because they have to (I'm thinking of store clerks who are harried at this time of year). What can I give willingly that might make a difference to someone's day? No matter if I can only afford a $1, what can I sacrifice to help someone else feel a little bit of the love of God at this time when we celebrate His Gift to us? $10 seems like a small thing, a tiny token, but it can change the life or at least day of someone we come across.
My Mom occasionally gives the store clerk a chocolate bar, what if we were more prepared and had little cards in our purses/wallets to give along with it with a note of encouragement and/or thanks for those people who work double-time this time of year? Whether you do a spur of the moment gift or put some forethought into it, please let me know what it is you did, pass along your ideas so others can share them.
God bless you!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
The Assault of Grief
It is a strange thing to grieve, to need to grieve. It assaults you, comes in waves, attacks at inopportune moments and lasts for years. You cannot gauge or predict how long it will take to go through the grieving process. It varies from person to person and is not something to be ignored and brushed away. You can't brush it away in fact, because it will jump out when you least expect it, demanding attention and refusing to be set aside again. If we choose to resist facing it, it affects our mental health until we stop and look at it face to face.
I grieve. Some days more than others. Some things I take out in little pieces because I fear that to face it all at once would be more than I could bear, and yet there are times when it threatens to overwhelm me and I must find a space to breathe.
I have tried to resist grieving, to put it aside until a better time, but there truly is no better time. If we grieve in the moment of our pain, it is easier to own, easier to share. When we put it off, we are misunderstood, we lose the support of our immediate community. There is still support, but we must be willing to seek it because most will think we are "over it". The truth is that the thing that makes us grieve, also makes us who we are. It becomes a part of us, a part of who we are.
My grief has brought me to envy the sibling relationships of other people, to encourage them to appreciate every moment, every memory they make with their siblings, to not let insignificant things come between them. There are days when just hearing someone talk about their sister brings me to tears, days when I still, almost 4 years later, think to pick up the phone to call either my brother or my sister, only to remember they aren't there.
The truth is though, that I will forever carry them in my heart, that they will never be far from me unless I chose to let them go. If I refuse to talk about them, if I refuse to remember them or look at their pictures, then they will disappear. I will not allow them to disappear. I will tell their stories, and hopefully in the telling, they will live on and enable others to live past the moment of their pain.
Maybe, in our grief, we can help others walk the pathway of life in a better, truer way. It is one way that our pain can bring good out of bad.
It's another Blog Carnival Tuesday! This week's word is "Grief". To read other blogs on this word, click here.
I grieve. Some days more than others. Some things I take out in little pieces because I fear that to face it all at once would be more than I could bear, and yet there are times when it threatens to overwhelm me and I must find a space to breathe.
I have tried to resist grieving, to put it aside until a better time, but there truly is no better time. If we grieve in the moment of our pain, it is easier to own, easier to share. When we put it off, we are misunderstood, we lose the support of our immediate community. There is still support, but we must be willing to seek it because most will think we are "over it". The truth is that the thing that makes us grieve, also makes us who we are. It becomes a part of us, a part of who we are.
My grief has brought me to envy the sibling relationships of other people, to encourage them to appreciate every moment, every memory they make with their siblings, to not let insignificant things come between them. There are days when just hearing someone talk about their sister brings me to tears, days when I still, almost 4 years later, think to pick up the phone to call either my brother or my sister, only to remember they aren't there.
The truth is though, that I will forever carry them in my heart, that they will never be far from me unless I chose to let them go. If I refuse to talk about them, if I refuse to remember them or look at their pictures, then they will disappear. I will not allow them to disappear. I will tell their stories, and hopefully in the telling, they will live on and enable others to live past the moment of their pain.
Maybe, in our grief, we can help others walk the pathway of life in a better, truer way. It is one way that our pain can bring good out of bad.
It's another Blog Carnival Tuesday! This week's word is "Grief". To read other blogs on this word, click here.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
To Stay or Go?
Today I was reading on BibleGateway for my devotional and came across these verses:
1 Peter 2:22-25 (Contemporary English Version)
22 Christ did not sin
or ever tell a lie.
23 Although he was abused,
he never tried to get even.
And when he suffered,
he made no threats.
Instead, he had faith in God,
who judges fairly.
24 Christ carried the burden
of our sins.
He was nailed to the cross,
so that we would stop sinning
and start living right.
By his cuts and bruises
you are healed.
25 You had wandered away
like sheep.
Now you have returned
to the one
who is your shepherd
and protector.
It made me stop to think. Sometimes we read verses like this and assume that because Jesus didn’t sin or complain or retaliate when He was abused that He did nothing. The truth of it is that there were many times that He just walked away – like when they tried to stone Him or push Him off the cliff. He allowed them to abuse and murder Him at His death because that was the plan all along and there was value in it. He doesn’t ask us to stay in abusive situations unless He has a plan that will bring about good in our lives and to His glory.
Is God asking you to stay where you are? Or are you choosing to remain in an abusive place out of a misconception that that is how Jesus insists it be done?
1 Peter 2:22-25 (Contemporary English Version)
22 Christ did not sin
or ever tell a lie.
23 Although he was abused,
he never tried to get even.
And when he suffered,
he made no threats.
Instead, he had faith in God,
who judges fairly.
24 Christ carried the burden
of our sins.
He was nailed to the cross,
so that we would stop sinning
and start living right.
By his cuts and bruises
you are healed.
25 You had wandered away
like sheep.
Now you have returned
to the one
who is your shepherd
and protector.
It made me stop to think. Sometimes we read verses like this and assume that because Jesus didn’t sin or complain or retaliate when He was abused that He did nothing. The truth of it is that there were many times that He just walked away – like when they tried to stone Him or push Him off the cliff. He allowed them to abuse and murder Him at His death because that was the plan all along and there was value in it. He doesn’t ask us to stay in abusive situations unless He has a plan that will bring about good in our lives and to His glory.
Is God asking you to stay where you are? Or are you choosing to remain in an abusive place out of a misconception that that is how Jesus insists it be done?
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Community
There have been some things in my life lately that have left me feeling alone, isolated; but God has brought back into my life an old friend who is able to help me see things more clearly. Then last night a friend caught me on Facebook and both have helped me realize that I truly am not alone, there are others who are going through the same experiences.
What I remembered last night while chatting online with my friend is that without community we truly do stand alone. The Bible encourages us to share one another's burden (Galatians 6:2) and yet our society tells us to keep our burdens to ourselves, to not bother others with our lives or our stories. Last night as my friend and I chatted she kept apologizing for bothering me with her stories, with her pain. I do the same thing, I bury my pain deep inside me and then wonder why I feel isolated from the world and my friends.
If we do not speak up, if we do not talk to others about all the things in our lives, good and bad, then we do not have community and it is our own fault for it. If I share with you only the good I make you a fairweather friend in my head, if I am willing to be vulnerable enough to share with you the negative in my life then I give you the opportunity to help me bear burdens, as the Bible asks us all to. When I keep silent, then I deprive you of that same opportunity.
A true community shares all of life, hiding nothing from itself. When we do not stand up for each other, care for each other and bear the burdens of our neighbours we have a superficial community that will not stand up for long against the trials of the world. It will fall apart and leave us without even the semblance of a safe place.
I encourage you to step outside of your fears, be vulnerable and share some of your fears and burdens with those in your community. If you feel completely isolated, chose one or two safe people to be vulnerable with (call a hotline if you need to!) and reach out to those around you, parents, siblings, coworkers, friends. It will change your life for the better.
I am participating in Blog Carnival. Today's word to write on is: Community. If you want to take part, or to read the amazing posts from fellow bloggers, please go here and immerse yourself in the wonder and the magic of being connected to an amazing community of thoughtful folk here in cyberland.
What I remembered last night while chatting online with my friend is that without community we truly do stand alone. The Bible encourages us to share one another's burden (Galatians 6:2) and yet our society tells us to keep our burdens to ourselves, to not bother others with our lives or our stories. Last night as my friend and I chatted she kept apologizing for bothering me with her stories, with her pain. I do the same thing, I bury my pain deep inside me and then wonder why I feel isolated from the world and my friends.
If we do not speak up, if we do not talk to others about all the things in our lives, good and bad, then we do not have community and it is our own fault for it. If I share with you only the good I make you a fairweather friend in my head, if I am willing to be vulnerable enough to share with you the negative in my life then I give you the opportunity to help me bear burdens, as the Bible asks us all to. When I keep silent, then I deprive you of that same opportunity.
A true community shares all of life, hiding nothing from itself. When we do not stand up for each other, care for each other and bear the burdens of our neighbours we have a superficial community that will not stand up for long against the trials of the world. It will fall apart and leave us without even the semblance of a safe place.
I encourage you to step outside of your fears, be vulnerable and share some of your fears and burdens with those in your community. If you feel completely isolated, chose one or two safe people to be vulnerable with (call a hotline if you need to!) and reach out to those around you, parents, siblings, coworkers, friends. It will change your life for the better.
I am participating in Blog Carnival. Today's word to write on is: Community. If you want to take part, or to read the amazing posts from fellow bloggers, please go here and immerse yourself in the wonder and the magic of being connected to an amazing community of thoughtful folk here in cyberland.
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