Sunday, August 30, 2009

Speaking out

I shared my testimony at church yesterday. It was harder than I thought it would be, but at the same time it was freeing and exhilarating. God is such an amazing God. He calls us to tasks that we will be good at. He calls us to do things that He knows we will enjoy.

I have often felt that my story is of no value. I was wrong. Yesterday, people listened. Some of them heard a message they needed to hear, others left thinking and minds were opened to the dangers that face our children, our hearts. I pray that it brings healing to some and protection to others.

Some feel we should not speak about these things in church with children present, yet if we do not speak out, these things continue to happen. Just as we need to learn from the history of our world, we also need to learn from the history of the lives of those around us.

I feel God is calling me to share my story and I am eager to obey His word. Where He takes me from here, I am excited to find out.

God bless you today.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

I speak at church this morning. I am filled with conflicting emotions, nervousness, excitement, thankfulness, peace... I am going to give my testimony. It's been a dream I've had lately to begin sharing my story to hopefully help others find healing and escape from abuse and pain. In reality, my dream is to eventually use songs and speaking to share my story and draw others to discover their own journey of freedom, hope and peace.

It's been a long journey for me. A process that sometimes I wanted to give up on, but now I feel that God can finally cause good to come from the evil, as He promises to. I am excited to know that can happen, and that God is making it happen through me. A part of me feels like today is the dawn of a new era, a new chapter in my life.

I pray that I do not get in my own way. I pray that I will always remember that God is the driving force and giver of this ministry and that I am just a vehicle, vessel willing to be used by Him. I hope that is your prayer also.

Friday, August 21, 2009


I'm writing again, just not here. So, I am reminded to write here again.

I'm writing a sermon, of sorts. It's a testimony, sharing my life story and how God has saved me and worked in me to provide healing and salvation. It's not an easy story to write, much less share publicly, yet one I feel called to tell. It's interesting also because in the telling I realize how much God has healed my heart. It's a good feeling, it's good to know that the healing takes place even when we don't realize it is happening.

I speak on August 29. I'm nervous about it. I want people to hear how God can heal us in the midst of pain, but I also want them to hear the pain. It's abuse awareness Sabbath and I want them to become aware that abuse happens in the lives of those close to us and we don't realize. I want them to be inspired to DO something when they see something wrong happening. I could use your prayers. Mostly, I want God to speak and to have Him give the message that each person most needs to hear.

I'm rambling tonight, but wanted you to know I am still out here. I am working on life and living and will be back soon!

God bless you. May you hear His voice and the message He has for you today.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Complete Honesty

1 Oh, what joy for those
whose disobedience is forgiven,
whose sin is put out of sight!
2 Yes, what joy for those
whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt,"
whose lives are lived in complete honesty!
Psalm 32:1-2

Do I live my life in complete honesty? To say that I am in complete honesty is a bit like claiming to be perfect... yet, these verses are not saying I must be willing to be honest with myself, God and others so I can be forgiven and have my record cleared of guilt.

So, why do I feel fear at the idea of living in complete honesty? I know that it would be freeing, yet I feel fear at the thought, to be totally visible and vulnerable. Some of it even comes from the thought that if I am totally honest with myself and others that my sins will be clear and I will discover that I am not a nice or good person.

Lord, I want to live in complete honesty. I want my sins forgiven and set out of sight, to have my guilt cleared. Please help me to be completely honest with You, with myself and others, especially M. Help me to have Your wisdom when I need to be honest with others so that Your love shines through the truth that needs to be spoken. Amen