Saturday, January 9, 2010

I am not alone.

Tonight, as I was resettling my youngest after he fell out of bed, he was lying in bed crying as I sat on the floor beside him. I tried holding and even rocking him, but he was not calming down so I put him in bed and sat beside him. As I sat there I realized, he doesn't realize I'm still here. He can't see me, he can't hear me, yet, here I am.

That is just like how I am with God sometimes. I sit and cry, and wonder why He's not beside me, when He is. It's just dark in my world and He's being comforting with His presence, even when I'm unaware that He's there. He's not gone, He hasn't left me alone, He is waiting for me to calm down so He can offer comfort and bring peace. My not recognizing His presence doesn't erase it.

I cling to His promise that He will never leave me nor forsake me. In my dark hours, when I feel alone, I remember that and I know that no matter how I feel, He is with me.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Happy New Year

A new year, a new start. Some of the starts are newer than we want them to be, some of the endings are more painful.

Christmas was a painful one this year. I've had worse, but I've definitely had better. A time of renewal, of refreshing, of change. Many questions have arisen, where do I go from here? How do I continue moving forward? What will I need to take care of myself in the long term?

There are a lot of decisions to be made, a lot of things to settle in my life this New Year. Hopefully it will be a good year, a year of renewal and recharging the
batteries and refreshing relationships.

I question my own strength, yet I know that my strength is what I allow it to be. I have the strength to do all that is before me, to be all that I need to be. Some days I don't want it, I don't want to need that much strength. Regardless, I need it and I have it. This is a good opportunity to stretch my wings, expand my horizons and exercise my strength. Just because it is a place I'd rather not be in does not change that I have what it takes or that it is the best place for me to be.