The Assault of Grief

It is a strange thing to grieve, to need to grieve. It assaults you, comes in waves, attacks at inopportune moments and lasts for years. You cannot gauge or predict how long it will take to go through the grieving process. It varies from person to person and is not something to be ignored and brushed away. You can't brush it away in fact, because it will jump out when you least expect it, demanding attention and refusing to be set aside again. If we choose to resist facing it, it affects our mental health until we stop and look at it face to face.

I grieve. Some days more than others. Some things I take out in little pieces because I fear that to face it all at once would be more than I could bear, and yet there are times when it threatens to overwhelm me and I must find a space to breathe.

I have tried to resist grieving, to put it aside until a better time, but there truly is no better time. If we grieve in the moment of our pain, it is easier to own, easier to share. When we put it off, we are misunderstood, we lose the support of our immediate community. There is still support, but we must be willing to seek it because most will think we are "over it". The truth is that the thing that makes us grieve, also makes us who we are. It becomes a part of us, a part of who we are.

My grief has brought me to envy the sibling relationships of other people, to encourage them to appreciate every moment, every memory they make with their siblings, to not let insignificant things come between them. There are days when just hearing someone talk about their sister brings me to tears, days when I still, almost 4 years later, think to pick up the phone to call either my brother or my sister, only to remember they aren't there.

The truth is though, that I will forever carry them in my heart, that they will never be far from me unless I chose to let them go. If I refuse to talk about them, if I refuse to remember them or look at their pictures, then they will disappear. I will not allow them to disappear. I will tell their stories, and hopefully in the telling, they will live on and enable others to live past the moment of their pain.

Maybe, in our grief, we can help others walk the pathway of life in a better, truer way. It is one way that our pain can bring good out of bad.

It's another Blog Carnival Tuesday! This week's word is "Grief". To read other blogs on this word, click here.

Community

There have been some things in my life lately that have left me feeling alone, isolated; but God has brought back into my life an old friend who is able to help me see things more clearly. Then last night a friend caught me on Facebook and both have helped me realize that I truly am not alone, there are others who are going through the same experiences.

What I remembered last night while chatting online with my friend is that without community we truly do stand alone. The Bible encourages us to share one another's burden (Galatians 6:2) and yet our society tells us to keep our burdens to ourselves, to not bother others with our lives or our stories. Last night as my friend and I chatted she kept apologizing for bothering me with her stories, with her pain. I do the same thing, I bury my pain deep inside me and then wonder why I feel isolated from the world and my friends.

If we do not speak up, if we do not talk to others about all the things in our lives, good and bad, then we do not have community and it is our own fault for it. If I share with you only the good I make you a fairweather friend in my head, if I am willing to be vulnerable enough to share with you the negative in my life then I give you the opportunity to help me bear burdens, as the Bible asks us all to. When I keep silent, then I deprive you of that same opportunity.

A true community shares all of life, hiding nothing from itself. When we do not stand up for each other, care for each other and bear the burdens of our neighbours we have a superficial community that will not stand up for long against the trials of the world. It will fall apart and leave us without even the semblance of a safe place.

I encourage you to step outside of your fears, be vulnerable and share some of your fears and burdens with those in your community. If you feel completely isolated, chose one or two safe people to be vulnerable with (call a hotline if you need to!) and reach out to those around you, parents, siblings, coworkers, friends. It will change your life for the better.

I am participating in Blog Carnival. Today's word to write on is: Community. If you want to take part, or to read the amazing posts from fellow bloggers, please go here and immerse yourself in the wonder and the magic of being connected to an amazing community of thoughtful folk here in cyberland.