There have been some things in my life lately that have left me feeling alone, isolated; but God has brought back into my life an old friend who is able to help me see things more clearly. Then last night a friend caught me on Facebook and both have helped me realize that I truly am not alone, there are others who are going through the same experiences.
What I remembered last night while chatting online with my friend is that without community we truly do stand alone. The Bible encourages us to share one another's burden (Galatians 6:2) and yet our society tells us to keep our burdens to ourselves, to not bother others with our lives or our stories. Last night as my friend and I chatted she kept apologizing for bothering me with her stories, with her pain. I do the same thing, I bury my pain deep inside me and then wonder why I feel isolated from the world and my friends.
If we do not speak up, if we do not talk to others about all the things in our lives, good and bad, then we do not have community and it is our own fault for it. If I share with you only the good I make you a fairweather friend in my head, if I am willing to be vulnerable enough to share with you the negative in my life then I give you the opportunity to help me bear burdens, as the Bible asks us all to. When I keep silent, then I deprive you of that same opportunity.
A true community shares all of life, hiding nothing from itself. When we do not stand up for each other, care for each other and bear the burdens of our neighbours we have a superficial community that will not stand up for long against the trials of the world. It will fall apart and leave us without even the semblance of a safe place.
I encourage you to step outside of your fears, be vulnerable and share some of your fears and burdens with those in your community. If you feel completely isolated, chose one or two safe people to be vulnerable with (call a hotline if you need to!) and reach out to those around you, parents, siblings, coworkers, friends. It will change your life for the better.
I am participating in Blog Carnival. Today's word to write on is: Community. If you want to take part, or to read the amazing posts from fellow bloggers, please go here and immerse yourself in the wonder and the magic of being connected to an amazing community of thoughtful folk here in cyberland.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Remembering
My siblings were born 6 years and 6 days apart. In fact, my baby brother was due on our big sister's birthday but he chose to wait 6 days and hence the 6 day difference. It tends to make this week a difficult one for me the past few years.
Birthdays are big for me. They are a time to celebrate life and love and family and I can still celebrate that for them, but not with them. Instead their birthdays have become a time to grieve and to remember that time with them is lost for now. It is a choice. I have chosen a time that it is okay for me to miss them terribly, that allows one day to be a painful one of intense memory and missing. To be sure I miss them intensely on other days, days that sneak up on me and hurt just because they are not here to be with, but on their birthdays I give myself permission to think about all the times we had and miss the times we will never have.
I started this when my brother died, his birthday is Nov 12 and I connect his death with the war that we all fight against Satan. The Bible tells us in 1 Peter 5:8 to "Be self-controlled and alert. (because) Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." Satan stalked my brother and won, that is the naked truth of it. I am joyful that just because Satan won the battle does not necessarily mean that my brother lost the war. I look forward to a time when I can see him again. Remembrance Day for me has evolved into a day when we remember those who fought/fight these earthly wars but it also extends a day longer and is a day when I remember my brother, the sacrifices he made along the way and the lesson he left behind to help us make wiser decisions along our way.
One of the reasons I chose to remember my siblings on their birthdays is because I chose to NOT ruin the holidays with grief over missing them and wishing they were with us. My sister died just a couple days before Christmas and I refuse to allow Christmas to be ruined by the grief that comes from remembering the way she died or how much I miss her. My children and her children deserve better.
We need to set aside a time for remembering, lest we forget. We need to remember all of those who have died in the course of life, for whatever reason, to learn from their life and mistakes, to follow our own path without dying in our grief.
I chose the week surrounding Remembrance Day to also remember my sister Angela and my brother Cory because their birthdays straddle it. Cory's birthday is becoming a day to celebrate who he was and what he meant to me, I am sure that with time, so will Angela's.
What day will you choose to make sure your loved ones are not forgotten? A day you give yourself permission to grieve and remember them?
Birthdays are big for me. They are a time to celebrate life and love and family and I can still celebrate that for them, but not with them. Instead their birthdays have become a time to grieve and to remember that time with them is lost for now. It is a choice. I have chosen a time that it is okay for me to miss them terribly, that allows one day to be a painful one of intense memory and missing. To be sure I miss them intensely on other days, days that sneak up on me and hurt just because they are not here to be with, but on their birthdays I give myself permission to think about all the times we had and miss the times we will never have.
I started this when my brother died, his birthday is Nov 12 and I connect his death with the war that we all fight against Satan. The Bible tells us in 1 Peter 5:8 to "Be self-controlled and alert. (because) Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." Satan stalked my brother and won, that is the naked truth of it. I am joyful that just because Satan won the battle does not necessarily mean that my brother lost the war. I look forward to a time when I can see him again. Remembrance Day for me has evolved into a day when we remember those who fought/fight these earthly wars but it also extends a day longer and is a day when I remember my brother, the sacrifices he made along the way and the lesson he left behind to help us make wiser decisions along our way.
One of the reasons I chose to remember my siblings on their birthdays is because I chose to NOT ruin the holidays with grief over missing them and wishing they were with us. My sister died just a couple days before Christmas and I refuse to allow Christmas to be ruined by the grief that comes from remembering the way she died or how much I miss her. My children and her children deserve better.
We need to set aside a time for remembering, lest we forget. We need to remember all of those who have died in the course of life, for whatever reason, to learn from their life and mistakes, to follow our own path without dying in our grief.
I chose the week surrounding Remembrance Day to also remember my sister Angela and my brother Cory because their birthdays straddle it. Cory's birthday is becoming a day to celebrate who he was and what he meant to me, I am sure that with time, so will Angela's.
What day will you choose to make sure your loved ones are not forgotten? A day you give yourself permission to grieve and remember them?
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Silencing the tapes
I sang this weekend with a professional singer and the entire time I was practicing with her, I battled my "tapes" that were continually sounding off that I wasn't good enough, that I would ruin her performance, that I would mess it up and everyone would know that I really am not a good singer.
See, Friday night we met to practice. There was one other lady, also singing back-up for The Singer and we were learning new songs and learning harmonies to those songs. For this other lady, she has a college degree in music, it's simple for her to pick out a harmony and sing it - she loves to do that, it is one of her strengths and joys and she's good at it. I love to sing melody. I'm content to let someone else harmonize, I love to just sing it out. I can't do that as back-up singer - The Singer gets the melody, I have to learn a harmony. That's okay, I can learn it, and as I discovered this weekend, I can even pick one out that sounds pretty good. As we practiced together, The Singer chose the other lady to sing duet with her in a few parts and even to lead out on one of the songs. That helped set off my tapes of not being a good singer, and of sounding badly.
The point is, I did it, and I did it fairly well. I stretched myself beyond my own feelings of capability and came through. I wasn't perfect, I did mess up and miss a few things, but it still sounded good. I discovered that I can actually harmonize, I can do something different and still succeed. Most importantly, I learned that even when I can't turn off the tapes, I CAN fight past them and refuse to believe their lies.
See, the tapes this weekend were so huge that I even dreamed that THE singer had asked me to not sing with her. I was in tears trying to learn parts - not because it was hard but partly because of my fear and my ongoing tapes (and partly my exhausted emotional state). Sometimes the tapes don't give up. I have big dreams, I want to sing in a big way, to share a message, my testimony through song, to hopefully change lives with my story and music. In the past, I have allowed that dream to be trampled on and crushed and now that I have chosen to let it live again the tapes are louder, they are fighting to be heard, to kill this recently replenished dream. I am choosing to ignore the tapes. The longer I ignore them, the more I prove them to be untrue, the better able I will be to give that dream true life, to embrace the opportunities that come my way and hopefully, one day, see my dream come true. This time, I chose to NOT give up on it, to stretch and push until it comes to fruition.
I couldn't silence the tapes this weekend so I did the next best thing. I fought past them, I kept going despite them. Then, most importantly, I found a friend and confessed to her my need and my fears and I asked her to pray for me. I know that she did because I felt God's strength in my heart and my voice as I sang. Through the performance, I sang and I sang it right and the tapes were silenced. I didn't ruin the songs or the worship. God sustained me and gave me abilities that I didn't know or believe I had before. I praise Him because only He can carry me through. Only He gives me the strength and the ability to push past my fears and anxieties to succeed and accomplish something new and scary.
He is an amazing, mighty God and I am grateful that He is the one who carries me through.
See, Friday night we met to practice. There was one other lady, also singing back-up for The Singer and we were learning new songs and learning harmonies to those songs. For this other lady, she has a college degree in music, it's simple for her to pick out a harmony and sing it - she loves to do that, it is one of her strengths and joys and she's good at it. I love to sing melody. I'm content to let someone else harmonize, I love to just sing it out. I can't do that as back-up singer - The Singer gets the melody, I have to learn a harmony. That's okay, I can learn it, and as I discovered this weekend, I can even pick one out that sounds pretty good. As we practiced together, The Singer chose the other lady to sing duet with her in a few parts and even to lead out on one of the songs. That helped set off my tapes of not being a good singer, and of sounding badly.
The point is, I did it, and I did it fairly well. I stretched myself beyond my own feelings of capability and came through. I wasn't perfect, I did mess up and miss a few things, but it still sounded good. I discovered that I can actually harmonize, I can do something different and still succeed. Most importantly, I learned that even when I can't turn off the tapes, I CAN fight past them and refuse to believe their lies.
See, the tapes this weekend were so huge that I even dreamed that THE singer had asked me to not sing with her. I was in tears trying to learn parts - not because it was hard but partly because of my fear and my ongoing tapes (and partly my exhausted emotional state). Sometimes the tapes don't give up. I have big dreams, I want to sing in a big way, to share a message, my testimony through song, to hopefully change lives with my story and music. In the past, I have allowed that dream to be trampled on and crushed and now that I have chosen to let it live again the tapes are louder, they are fighting to be heard, to kill this recently replenished dream. I am choosing to ignore the tapes. The longer I ignore them, the more I prove them to be untrue, the better able I will be to give that dream true life, to embrace the opportunities that come my way and hopefully, one day, see my dream come true. This time, I chose to NOT give up on it, to stretch and push until it comes to fruition.
I couldn't silence the tapes this weekend so I did the next best thing. I fought past them, I kept going despite them. Then, most importantly, I found a friend and confessed to her my need and my fears and I asked her to pray for me. I know that she did because I felt God's strength in my heart and my voice as I sang. Through the performance, I sang and I sang it right and the tapes were silenced. I didn't ruin the songs or the worship. God sustained me and gave me abilities that I didn't know or believe I had before. I praise Him because only He can carry me through. Only He gives me the strength and the ability to push past my fears and anxieties to succeed and accomplish something new and scary.
He is an amazing, mighty God and I am grateful that He is the one who carries me through.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Last night, after climbing into bed, I had the perfect thought to share here today. However, of course, this morning it is gone. Sometimes my best thoughts are when I am lying down in bed, of course, it is at those moments when I don't have a pen & paper or computer to write them down and no real desire to get up to find one.
Sometimes life is like that. The best response to someone's comments come after we have walked away, the best comeback to an insult is thought of the next day. Sometimes this is a good thing. Sometimes, however, when a response is necessary, a pause can be misinterpreted. This happened to me last night. I was on the phone with a friend and, as we were discussing a rather sensitive topic, I was being careful with my words. Unfortunately, she felt I was distracted or too tired and we left the conversation for another day. I was pretty tired, so perhaps that is okay. I can research my answers and give her a proper Biblical response when we meet again later this week.
It's okay to put a conversation on hold to a later time. It helps to organize thoughts and present them in a non-offensive way that may be more easily heard. Sometimes, it just changes your frame of mind. Sometimes we can't put off the conversation, but during those times we can be sure that God will present the answers and guide our words if we only ask Him to. We just need to use our discretion and wisdom in every situation.
God bless you today. May your words be a blessing to others as you open yourself up to serve Him today.
Sometimes life is like that. The best response to someone's comments come after we have walked away, the best comeback to an insult is thought of the next day. Sometimes this is a good thing. Sometimes, however, when a response is necessary, a pause can be misinterpreted. This happened to me last night. I was on the phone with a friend and, as we were discussing a rather sensitive topic, I was being careful with my words. Unfortunately, she felt I was distracted or too tired and we left the conversation for another day. I was pretty tired, so perhaps that is okay. I can research my answers and give her a proper Biblical response when we meet again later this week.
It's okay to put a conversation on hold to a later time. It helps to organize thoughts and present them in a non-offensive way that may be more easily heard. Sometimes, it just changes your frame of mind. Sometimes we can't put off the conversation, but during those times we can be sure that God will present the answers and guide our words if we only ask Him to. We just need to use our discretion and wisdom in every situation.
God bless you today. May your words be a blessing to others as you open yourself up to serve Him today.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Speaking out
I shared my testimony at church yesterday. It was harder than I thought it would be, but at the same time it was freeing and exhilarating. God is such an amazing God. He calls us to tasks that we will be good at. He calls us to do things that He knows we will enjoy.
I have often felt that my story is of no value. I was wrong. Yesterday, people listened. Some of them heard a message they needed to hear, others left thinking and minds were opened to the dangers that face our children, our hearts. I pray that it brings healing to some and protection to others.
Some feel we should not speak about these things in church with children present, yet if we do not speak out, these things continue to happen. Just as we need to learn from the history of our world, we also need to learn from the history of the lives of those around us.
I feel God is calling me to share my story and I am eager to obey His word. Where He takes me from here, I am excited to find out.
God bless you today.
I have often felt that my story is of no value. I was wrong. Yesterday, people listened. Some of them heard a message they needed to hear, others left thinking and minds were opened to the dangers that face our children, our hearts. I pray that it brings healing to some and protection to others.
Some feel we should not speak about these things in church with children present, yet if we do not speak out, these things continue to happen. Just as we need to learn from the history of our world, we also need to learn from the history of the lives of those around us.
I feel God is calling me to share my story and I am eager to obey His word. Where He takes me from here, I am excited to find out.
God bless you today.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
I speak at church this morning. I am filled with conflicting emotions, nervousness, excitement, thankfulness, peace... I am going to give my testimony. It's been a dream I've had lately to begin sharing my story to hopefully help others find healing and escape from abuse and pain. In reality, my dream is to eventually use songs and speaking to share my story and draw others to discover their own journey of freedom, hope and peace.
It's been a long journey for me. A process that sometimes I wanted to give up on, but now I feel that God can finally cause good to come from the evil, as He promises to. I am excited to know that can happen, and that God is making it happen through me. A part of me feels like today is the dawn of a new era, a new chapter in my life.
I pray that I do not get in my own way. I pray that I will always remember that God is the driving force and giver of this ministry and that I am just a vehicle, vessel willing to be used by Him. I hope that is your prayer also.
It's been a long journey for me. A process that sometimes I wanted to give up on, but now I feel that God can finally cause good to come from the evil, as He promises to. I am excited to know that can happen, and that God is making it happen through me. A part of me feels like today is the dawn of a new era, a new chapter in my life.
I pray that I do not get in my own way. I pray that I will always remember that God is the driving force and giver of this ministry and that I am just a vehicle, vessel willing to be used by Him. I hope that is your prayer also.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Messages
I'm writing again, just not here. So, I am reminded to write here again.
I'm writing a sermon, of sorts. It's a testimony, sharing my life story and how God has saved me and worked in me to provide healing and salvation. It's not an easy story to write, much less share publicly, yet one I feel called to tell. It's interesting also because in the telling I realize how much God has healed my heart. It's a good feeling, it's good to know that the healing takes place even when we don't realize it is happening.
I speak on August 29. I'm nervous about it. I want people to hear how God can heal us in the midst of pain, but I also want them to hear the pain. It's abuse awareness Sabbath and I want them to become aware that abuse happens in the lives of those close to us and we don't realize. I want them to be inspired to DO something when they see something wrong happening. I could use your prayers. Mostly, I want God to speak and to have Him give the message that each person most needs to hear.
I'm rambling tonight, but wanted you to know I am still out here. I am working on life and living and will be back soon!
God bless you. May you hear His voice and the message He has for you today.
I'm writing a sermon, of sorts. It's a testimony, sharing my life story and how God has saved me and worked in me to provide healing and salvation. It's not an easy story to write, much less share publicly, yet one I feel called to tell. It's interesting also because in the telling I realize how much God has healed my heart. It's a good feeling, it's good to know that the healing takes place even when we don't realize it is happening.
I speak on August 29. I'm nervous about it. I want people to hear how God can heal us in the midst of pain, but I also want them to hear the pain. It's abuse awareness Sabbath and I want them to become aware that abuse happens in the lives of those close to us and we don't realize. I want them to be inspired to DO something when they see something wrong happening. I could use your prayers. Mostly, I want God to speak and to have Him give the message that each person most needs to hear.
I'm rambling tonight, but wanted you to know I am still out here. I am working on life and living and will be back soon!
God bless you. May you hear His voice and the message He has for you today.
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