Friday, April 17, 2009


1 I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
Who made heaven and earth.
Psalm 121:1-2, NKJV

As I look back on my life, I am struck by the tragedies and abuses that happened throughout it's (fairly) short duration. Yet, at the same time, I am amazed that I still stand because there were times when it seemed impossible I would come out the other side unscathed. Truth is, I am not unscathed, but I do still stand, and for the most part, I stand strong..... even when I don't feel or want to be strong. My focus is on the fact that I have survived, and if I have survived all that then I can continue to survive.

Am I talking around the bush? Perhaps. You'll hear the details of much of my life story eventually, but today my focus is not on what happened but rather what didn't happen. What didn't happen is that I did not allow the pain and sorrow to crush or destroy me. I am still standing. I am still living. I am still surviving. Somedays I bow under the weight of the pain, but always I have a God that I can pass on the pain too and He carries me, laying me down to rest and giving me the strength to make it through another day, another week.

The strange thing is that I know in Whose strength I continue to go on. I know that He will never forsake me, never leave me and in that knowledge and strength I ought to be able to walk without fear of the future, yet... there are days when I succumb to the pain and fear that more will happen. Truth is I cannot stop anything that will happen in the future. What I can do is live my life abundantly, as God desires me to do. Will fearing that death will take another loved one stop them from dying? No. Will fearing that abuse will touch me or my family again stop it from happening? No. I am not sufficient protection while we live in this sinful world and I must do my best to protect by education - not only in what situations to avoid or run from, but also when to speak out after the fact. Most importantly, if the only thing I teach my children and share with my friends is to trust God when times are good or when the whole world crashes around them, I have taught them the most valuable survival tool there is.

I would not have survived without God. I know that without a doubt. I can look back at specific moments and say "that is where He saved my life". There are other times I am sure, but I can identify two or three of them without even thinking about it. So. What is my point? I live in fear or more pain, more suffering, more sorrow and I am ashamed of it. God is my strength and on this side of heaven I know that pain will happen. There is no escaping it for anyone. Each of us experiences that pain, delivered in different methods, but always it is present.

If He walks with me, if He sustains me, I truly have nothing to fear. The worst has happened and I still stand, I have no cause to doubt His goodness or His plan for my life. Today, I commit to living my life in joy and thankfulness for the gifts I have received and for the salvation I have received. When the fear comes, I commit to giving it to God to deal with and walking away from it wisely and within His plan for me. What about you? Can you trust God to safely walk you through anything you might have to face?

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